Bridget Jones with pink eye
Puerto Princesa, the Philippines: hot Aussie guy hurts my feelings
On the plane from Manila to Puerto Princesa in Palawan, I meet a nice local lady. She’s just one of many nice people who have offered advice on traveling in the Philippines. I’ll say that the locals here are much nicer than they are in most of South East Asia. They address me as “ma’am”, but pronounce it like “mom”, which I find funny. Sometimes I’ll answer them by calling them “dad”.
Since our walking tour in Manila, my left eye has been pretty irritated and runny. I conclude I have an eye infection, so I stop wearing eye make-up and constantly wipe away “tears”. It doesn’t look too bad, but it feels that way. So the following story stings just a little.
At sunset, we get some cards out and start playing a drinking game at Sheebang Hostel. We call over a Danish and a German guy, DJ Awesome and Schlager, and they join us. Suddenly, two guys sit down as well, making us play Ring of Fire. Both are from Australia, and one of them is the most gorgeous man I have seen in ages – despite being the opposite of my usual type, having tattoos and a manbun. We play the game and I am snake eyes – which means no one can look me in the eyes – and Viking King, because that is just a no-brainer. Suddenly, this intimidatingly good-looking guy looks me straight in the eyes, smiles and says: “have you ever been told you look like a certain celebrity?”
I have. Back when I was pretty I could go for Lauren Conrad, if you squinted your eyes a bit. But now I am sitting here in the candle light wearing unflattering Ali Baba pants and no make-up and a runny eye. I am curious to hear what he says.
“Bridget Jones.”
What the actual fuck!? Bridget Jones, who no one finds attractive? I look like a chubby, unattractive Brit? OK, I guess I had that one coming. But still, it hurts.
We go back to the room and meet our new Irish roommate, Bernard. We’re not drunk, but I’m definitely feeling buzzed. We have silly conversations just before bedtime, and then Sophie and Bernard sing me Soft Kitty. You know, the one from The Big Bang Theory.
Very very early the next morning, we get on a minibus and start our long journey to the Underground River. Then we take a boat. Then we wait to take another boat into the grotto. The “beach” around the grotto is amazingly beautiful and overrun by Chinese tourists, who takes group photos by every single sign. Every single one. A group of Philippinos ask for group pictures with me “for a project”. Right.
Waving goodbye to the Chinese tourists
Just helping some guys with a “project”
The grotto tour is about 30 or 40 minutes, and Sophie and I are in the front of the boat, so we get stuck with the responsibility of holding the flashlight. It’s very dark and quiet inside and full of bats, but definitely very cool. We get back to the hostel, and I decide to go hunting for some eye drops for my supposed infection. After visiting 4 pharmacies and a hospital, I give up.
Back at the hostel bar, we meet Stephen from USA and Rosie from England – what’s up with all the English people these days!? – and we start playing Cheers to the Governor. DJ Schlager and Bernard sit down with us as well and we just chill until it’s time for bed for me and Sophie – which is pretty early. We’ve got a 7 AM bus to El Nido.
