2014

Koh Phi Phi

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It’s a cloudy day when we take the ferry to Koh Phi Phi. We are covered in sunblock and napping in the shade on the roof for two and a half hours, yet we end up with awkward tanlines and sunburns by the time we get off the boat.

As soon as we dock and pay the 20 baht tax for staying on the island, we head to Flower Bungalows, which is like the cheapest place in Phi Phi, but also a total shit hole. We just throw our stuff there and go for a cider at Dojo, where a guy named Colin comes up and serves us until he reveals that he doesn’t even work there. He’s a hilarious guy, and he ends up staying at our table for a few hours, talking about various awkward topics, and pulling passing people into the conversation.

We then go to a beauty salon called Anita’s. Here I’ll advise men, family members and other people that can’t stand reading about naked people, vaginas or waxing to stop reading. This is too much information.

We have our legs waxed in beds right by the window. Like, people can see us from the streets. A couple walks in for a foot massage, and they are sat on chairs directly across from us, where they can watch us getting our hairs ripped off. The girl smiles at me a few times. It’s all fine, although I have a sunburn on my knees, so warm wax and what happens next hurts like a mother. Then, we decide we might as well get a bikini wax, as showers are hard to come by, which makes shaving impossible, and we’re going to be in bikinis. I am the first one, and I’ve never tried it before, so I am terrified. Two women are working on me/holding me down, while Sara is talking to me on the other side of the curtain (they put me in a more private bed with a curtain around it, thank God). I am laughing the whole time, because of the pain and how awkward my life is. At least I have more fun than the guy getting the foot massage, as he is apparently cringing everytime he hears hairs getting ripped off my private parts.

OK, families and men can read again now.
We have dinner and a bucket at Reggae Bar, where a kickboxing match is taking place. We then head to Banana Bar, where Sara and Tori play beer pong before we get a big bunch of people to play flip cup. I am fucking awesome at it, and my team win 4 times in a row, before a few losses and then more wins. The group heads to the beach, where everyone on this island go after midnight, and it is super crowded and the music is terrible. We lose Tori and the crowd at some point and look for them while doing some troll dancing and going in the water. It smells really bad, by the way.

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My very first bucket(s)

Krabi

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We land in Krabi at around 9 in the morning. We take a prepaid taxi to Pak-Up Hostel, a super nice and clean place, where we crash for hours in the first bed we’ve seen in ages. We are in a female dorm with some really sweet girls. One of them, Tori from England, end up going to dinner with us at this popular seafood place, where I have crab. Because, you know, I’m in Krabi. Tori isn’t really into seafood, yet we still eat there for some reason, so afterwards we go to a restaurant/bar right next to our hostel, where I order more food, and I’m not even sorry. The place is called Good Dream, and the food, homemade guidebook, and travel agency in there is amazing. I’d recommend Pak-Up for accommodation and Good Dream for everything else!

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The next day, the three of us have breakfast and then go on a day tour that we book through Good Dream. First stop is the hot springs, which is full of tourists and since we only have half an hour there, we don’t bother getting in. Next stop is Emerald and Crystal pool. Emerald pool is also filled with people, but we still enjoy swimming around. After a good 20 minutes, we do the long walk through the “jungle” to Crystal pool.

20140402-225809.jpg2217-220140402-225823.jpgNow, this one is soooo much prettier, but the sand in the pool is dangerous or something, so swimming is not allowed. Boo.

After a nice thai lunch, we go to the Tiger Cave Temple, which is on top of a mountain.

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This is the best pineapple I’ve ever had. Asian pineapples are much sweeter, and doesn’t sting your mouth the way other pineapples do.

2225-22228-22230-2 Before we knew what we were getting ourselves into

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Steps on steps on steps

About 1300 steps doesn’t sound like a big deal, but oh it is. It takes us about an hour of dry heaving, sweating excessively, crying and catching our breath before we reach the top. Three Swedish girls are standing at the top, getting a picture taken, wearing perfectly white shorts, nice loose curls and DRY FACES. It’s pretty upsetting.

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With red faces and soaking wet bodies, we go all the way down the steep steps and treat ourselves to an ice cream. We meet a cool monk, who tells us he can climb the stairs in 20 minutes, and that the record is 8 minutes. Fuck.

At night, we have a nice dinner and cocktails, and feel surprisingly tipsy, which means we continue to the hostel bar with live music. I also have my first Tiger beer and it is pretty awesome.

The next day, we head to Ao Nang to do some shopping. We only lasted two three days in Thailand! Sara needs some shorts, Tori a pair of sunglasses, and I needle and thread for the pants I wore for the camelsafari – I ripped them getting off my camel. We spend way too many bahts, I buy like two Jack Daniels tops, because I’m a basic bawler. We take the bus home and go for some awesome thai dinner:

20140403-224908.jpgI have Tom Kar with shrimps, which is a coconut soup. Delish.

After that we are exhausted. But for three days we’ve been on a mission to get a photo of the big statue of a crab, ’cause this is friggin’ Krabi. It’s a no-brainer. Unfortunately, the place is always swarming with locals and tourists, so we’ve walked back to the hostel everytime we’ve passed the statue. Today, on our last day, I decide it’s happening, and Tori comes with me for some amazing, although awkward (because the local teen boys were totally staring at us) pictures. I love Krabi.

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Final thoughts: India

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20140331-200927.jpgOur final route

Originally supposed to be Delhi > Goa > Mumbai > Gujarat > Saurashtra > Pushkar > Jaipur > Delhi > Agra > Varanasi > Calcutta

Ended up going to Delhi > Vagator > Arambol > Hampi > Mumbai > Udaipur > Jaisalmer > Jaipur > Amritsar > Rishikesh > Agra > Varanasi > Calcutta

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During my first week here, I was asked to describe India in a few words. I couldn’t.

After spending 4 weeks in various places around the country, I’ve decided that it’s a place of contrasts. On a broken and dirty road, you’ll see a group of women in colourful sarees walking. Next to a lavish temple full of flowers, colours and carvings, you’ll see a beggar without legs. I’ve been in the desert, I’ve been on the green fields. I’ve seen devastating poverty, and I’ve seen over-the-top luxury. So, incredible India is a country of contrasts.

First of all, let’s talk about the people. 80 percent of them are out to get your attention. 5 percent want to grope you, and 5 want nothing to do with you at all – they will flat out ignore you. The remaining 10 percent are the most helpful and friendly people you will probably ever meet. We’ve been so lucky to meet a few in the sea of annoying or digusting locals that have crossed our path. Women don’t seem to like us very much. I don’t know if it’s in general, because of the oppressed and rapey culture, or if they hate us because we look different, vulgar even, and are intrusive. It sucks, because we usually rely on women for help, it feels a lot safer. Many local men seem so horny, they will back their elbow into your chest, just to get some sort of human contact. It’s great, because all places are swarming with men.

We learned a few words in Hindi that we used so many times a day, it’s going to take some getting used to when we leave.

Namaste – hello, goodbye
Sukriya – thank you
Nahi – no
Ha – yes

Service here is almost non-existent, at least in restaurants. The waiter – there’s usually only one – will be gone most of the time, or visibly unhappy with either you or his job. Food is also served whenever it’s ready, so if you order multiple dishes or are in a group, you often get your food at seperate times. Funny thing is, the best service we had was at McDonald’s. They sure looked happy and attentive.

Scams are inevitable. Taxis, tuk tuks, you name it, they will try to scam you. Bargaining is a daily struggle, especially those places where all the drivers will agree on a fixed price for you, so no matter who you ask, they all know that they have to offer you the same price.

Hygiene isn’t very good. Sure, they insist you only use your right hand for “clean business”, like eating, shaking hands, handling money, and touching stuff. Still, you see men on the side of almost every road, urinating or spitting. Their spit is an orangey-red. There is also trash everywhere and NO trashcans. You’ll see plenty of cows on the side of the road eating the garbage.

I’m not a fan of the food, either. I can’t handle spicy food (interesting that I chose to go to Asia, I know), but most of the food here is a thick gravy or puree made from peas, or spinach, covered in various spices, that basically makes everything taste the same, and then they might drop some paneer into the mix. I do love naan bread and masala chai, or even a good lassi.

India is a very beautiful country, yet there’s an unpleasantness to it. The atmosphere is busy, and colours and religion is thrown in your face, and you have to take it all in – but don’t stand there too long, or you will be swarmed.

I will definitely go back to Vagator for the lazy afternoons with a beer in hand, Mumbai for the colourful movies, Jaipur for the Pink City and all it had to offer, and I wish I could see the Taj Mahal everyday. I will definitely be back, but until then,

Namaste, India

Cal-cunt-a

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Sorry for the vulgar pun. We’ve had a bad day.

Our train stops at a Kolkata suburb (it’s usually called Kolkata, not Calcutta). We get an expensive (280 rupees) prepaid taxi to city center, where our hotel is supposed to be. We are dropped off at city center 2. It’s basically a highway with a big mall. Like we had done at the taxi booth and when we got in, we yet again show him the address. Some local guys walking by have to translate, telling us this is where we have paid to go, and going to our hotel will be an extra 300 rupees. Angry, we get out of the car and start walking towards a group of parked autorickshaws. It is intimidating approaching so many guys, curiously staring at us, only to get refused. Apparently, only taxis can go to the city center. What the fuck is this bullshit? How were we supposed to know there are TWO city centers!?

Now, it’s fortysomething degrees, we are both wearing two heavy backpacks, we are sweaty and haven’t showered or slept on a real bed in two days, so what do we do? At the mall, a golden M lights up, and fuck it, we go there.

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We have some fries, a soda and an ice cream, and our spirits are back. We find a bunch of cabs, all asking for 500 rupees to go to the hotel, even though this is the exact place we were dropped off after refusing to pay 300 extra. The very last cab driver in the row is being stubborn and so are we. If he refuses, there are no other places to go to find another cab. Luckily, he finally agrees to take us there for 300.

The hostel’s okay. We want to go ship some of our stuff at the Post office, but it’s closed. We decide to go see a movie, Youngistaan, but we go to three different cinemas and none of them show it. We get lost in the bazars, and it’s annoying us, but this is definitely the place to shop, if that’s what you need. We already have our backpacks full, so that will have to wait until some other time, probably when we get to Thailand. Now we’re just waiting to go to the airport. We’re ready to get out of here!

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