March 7, 2016

Shit I Do in Sydney: All of the Tourist Attractions, Wine and Lesbians

christinelouise Oceania 2016, aquarium, Australia, Drinking, festival, gay pride, lgbt, madam tussauds, mardi gras, parade, Sightseeing, sydney, sydney tower, tourist, valentines day, wax museum, wild life, wine, zoo

Sydney, Australia: Being a tourist in my own city, part two

In this blog post I go to the aquarium, wax museum, zoo and Sydney Tower. Then I go to to Sydney Morning Herald Cellar Door wine festival and celebrate Mardi Gras by going to a big gay pride parade.

So going to the tourist attractions around Sydney can be pretty expensive, unless you know where to look for a sweet deal. My roommate Bernie finds one such deal one day. We buy 4 tickets for the price of 3, which is already at a good discount, and we decide to try and do all 4 attractions in one day. Oh how we failed.

It’s a hot Sunday noon, and we’re standing in a super-long line to collect our tickets. We pick up some cool souvenirs while we’re waiting for the lady to print everything out for us.
Our first stop is the Sea Life Aquarium. On the outside it looks very small and unimpressive, and of course I am not too impressed with all the small fish. I want sharks and octopuses and dolphins! Eventually, we get to the shark tunnel that every Aquarium has to have, and we see the stingray that killed Steve Irwin at least a dozen times. You prick. While taking a few pictures in the tunnel, two ladies of Asian heritage ask for a picture with us. It takes me back to my days in South East Asia, but not in a good way.

So after this, we’re very hungry. When you’re hungry, it can be really hard to find a place to eat, so we end up at Macca’s, and after that, we’re actually exhausted. We postpone the rest of our touristy trip a couple of weeks.

It’s Valentine’s Day and love is in the air… for everyone but me, of course.

What better way to spend this romantic day than with your stupid roommate? We start out at the Sydney Tower, which is the tallest structure in Sydney, but only 9 meters taller than the Eiffel Tower. While the view is pretty spectacular, the windows are covered in little stickers with people’s wishes for the Chinese New year, which makes it a bit harder to have a proper look.

Needless to say, after we’ve had a quick overlook and pointed out where we live, we move on to Madame Tussauds. I love wax museums, because I get to hang out with celebrities without all the awkward small talk. I get to ride a bike with ET

Einstein holds my purse for me, and looks seriously pissed off about it

Marilyn and I flash our butts in a classy way

get adopted by Brangelina

Lured Sandra Dee over to the dark side

and I have dates with both Audrey Hepburn and Ryan Gosling

Not bad, Christine, not bad.

Our last stop is the Wild Life Zoo, which is actually a bit of a let-down. I do get to see a massive croc though.

On the so-called last weekend of the summer, Sharon and I make the spontaneous decision to head down to Hyde Park for the Sydney Cellar Door, which is a festival that brings different wineries spread around New South Wales to one park for Sharon and I to enjoy. I’m sure they were thinking of us specifically. We buy a plastic wine glass and several tickets that we use to get our “glasses” filled up at different stalls.

I also try grape-stomping, which isn’t as fun when you’re not Lucille Ball.

After drinking a lot of different wines, we jump on the bus back to Randwick, where we buy $3 cheese and 95c crackers, because we were too cheap to buy food at the festival. We fill some red goon in our new favourite glasses – we’ve been having problems not breaking wine glasses lately – and just enjoy how great life can be, if you have wine and cheese.

Mardis Gras may be known as Fat Tuesday everywhere else in the world, but in Sydney, it means LGBT pride parade day! Since I have never been to one such parade before, I am overly excited and prepared. I have a water bottle filled with gin in my hand, Easter bunny ears that I’ve wrapped around each other to make a Unicorn horn on my head, and a rainbow-coloured tutu skirt where skirts usually go. Sharon’s wearing angel wings, and we try to put a feather boa on Craig, but he’s just being difficult, as usual.

Traffic is pretty much jammed, so we have to walk most of the way and end up at an empty spot right where the parade is going to end. As it gets later, more people start trying to push their way in, and the end of the parade is moved down further, which means we get to hear the music and see all the lights for a minute longer. Needless to say, my Unihorn is popular with several gays and a few kids, and Craig gets to make out with a couple of guys that like his scruffy beard. Sharon gets a kiss from a football player too, but not because of her beard.
The parade itself is amazing. It has lesbians on motorcycles, choreographed dancing, a big vagina, and headspace, a youth counselling service that I volunteered for back home before I came to Australia. They give me a headspace bracelet, and I am fangirling so hard, because I really miss the days of eating free ryebread and throwing cake at the other volunteers. I think I am also a lesbian now.

The next day, we are blessed with Spot Festival in Randwick, which has food and jewellery stalls, music and kids dancing on stage. We sit in a bean bag area, sipping lemonade and sweating our faces off, but at least we get to hear “Lean On” for the 700th time. We also pester the staff to get a picture with their prop. The things we do for Instagram.