Gazza Dooza and Christmas in July
Sydney, Australia: things happen and then I EAT TURKEY.
Out of boredom, I’ve been on a bit of a Tinder roll lately, if you can call it that. At first I went on a few dates with Mathew, and then Matthew, and then I got the two of them mixed up.
Mathew is Australian, awesome at texting and has a good job. Obviously that’s all I look for in a guy. We go on two dates, until I realise that he’s either a creep or just plain awkward around girls (“you have really soft elbows and pretty eyelashes” sounds like something a future serial killer would say). Then I match Matthew, who is English and super boring in texts and doesn’t tell me he’s English until I stand in front of him and ask him what’s up with his accent. I just can’t escape English boys, can I. We get along like we’re just good friends though, so we hang out a few times, until I realize it’s turned into a proper relationship… for him. I am forced into meeting his friends and his room mate (a shy person’s worst nightmare), he visits me at work… I find it strange and “break up” with both him and Tinder.
But not until he’s taken me to Mary’s in Newtown for burgers and Vivid Festival. Sorry, Matt 2.
Darren from Mildura is gonna be a dad, and he and his girlfriend Rhi have just moved into a nice apartment by Bondi beach. We make it a Monday tradition to watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones after I finish work at the stupid café and then we do a bit of catching up (trash talking everyone and getting excited about the baby).
In the meantime, Sharon FINALLY gets back from her trip to Ireland – and she falls straight through her bed when she arrives. I may or may not have fallen through the slats on her bed while cleaning the room.
She’s brought her little brother Gary – or as we call him, Gazza Dooza – and Tanya and I get drunk a lot in front of him and probably scare him. We take him to Cheers for Malin’s farewell party, where (long story short) I spit in Craig’s face and he gets so mad, he refuses to talk to anyone. We give him the chance to make up for it by inviting him along to a big karaoke night out at Coach and Horses, but he bails as our names are being called, so Tanya, Sharon and Gary help out with Bohemian Rhapsody.
There’s a lot of drinking, and then a lot of Halal Snack Pack eating. Some guy tries to steal a bite from me and Christine doesn’t share food, to which he replies I’m a bitch, and a fight almost happens. Almost.
I also take Sharon and Gary (and Fluffy, the unicorn) and then Tanya on the coastal walk, where we do some exploring and going places I have yet to go on my countless times on the trail. It’s pretty awesome, except a huge storm has destroyed parts of the coastal walk, and therefore we have to do a few detours.
This year for Christmas in July we are invited to Henry’s house for a proper turkey, not the ready-to-serve Coles chicken that we put on the table in Mildura. Sharon and I bring a cheese board and make mulled wine for the first time in our lives, and apparently we do really well, as our 4 litres of warm goon with spices disappear before the dessert even comes out. While everyone else is mingling and being grown-ups, we sit by the food table so we can have first dibs, and laugh at Darren being the drunkest at the party. For once it’s not us.
Not long after, Rhi and Darren welcome little Harri into the world, and he is the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. Sharon and I are so in love. He is so lucky that he gets to grow up on the beach and in Australia.
I’ve also gotten a new job. Thank God. No uniform required, weekends off and I get to work with my friend Aitor! It’s so relieving when I finally sit my boss down and tell him I’m leaving because I feel mistreated. My new job title is Sandwich artist, which sounds super fancy, and isn’t. There’s a lot of burnt toast, vegemite and banana bread that I have to deal with now, but I’m happy.
Meanwhile at home, lots of things are happening that I’m missing out on. For one, my sister graduates, and I get to witness her come out of her last exam over Skype. My grandma turns 75, and I get up at 4 in the morning on a weekday to surprise her with a call during her birthday party. I definitely miss everyone at home, but I feel this horrible guilt whenever I talk to them, which isn’t that often anymore. It’s hard with the time difference and the days melting together without anything interesting or new to report. Good thing I’m going home for a visit soon.
Tanya, Sharon and I are rarely off work on the same days, so when we do, we have to have some quality time! We go on a spontaneous trip to Barangaroo Reserve for Sculpture By The Sea and end up being stalked by American sailors on the way home. It sounds like a good story, but it isn’t. It’s just plain weird, creepy and scary. Anyways, here are some sculptures!
