Asia

A tough hike and a few Jägerbombs

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Since my days after a night out usually consist of me in a fetal position on the cold, hard bathroom floor, hugging the toilet and occassionally crying for my mom, who isn’t there, I take it relatively easy on our first night in Phi Phi. Relatively. Sara and Tori don’t.

We have breakfast around noon, several naps and no drinks at all the next day. Sara and I don’t want to stay at Flower Bungalows anymore, so while she is hungover and I dizzy from the blazing heat and excessive sweating, we go to virtually every hostel, hotel and guest house, trying to get a good deal. We see many nice ones, but most are around 1800 baht per night, which is out of our budget. We eventually decide on Tara Inn at 700 baht, and move there the following day.

I love having a proper bathroom, a nice bed, and a place to put all our shit. All my clothes are at the very bottom of my backpack, so I have to get everything out of there all the time, and I can’t be bothered to repack unless we’re leaving, so four months worth of crap is spread out on the floor at all times.

We basically just drop our stuff at the room and decide it’s time to actually see something while here. Tori wants to take us to this beach that is supposed to be half an hour away and much nicer, but she ends up showing us the wrong way to the wrong beach. I’ll tell you why we don’t mind in a bit.

It’s around 40 degrees, and the humidity is the worst I’ve ever tried. You can’t possibly keep yourself hydrated, as the sweat is running down your back and your face at an impossible pace. We walk a bit out of town, Tori and I barefoot, up some incredibly steep hills, that seem to go on forever. At one point, we see a nature trail with signs pointing to the viewpoint and beach, so we go that way. The trail is obviously just dirt, pebbles, dried, sharp leaves, and twigs. It’s uncomfortable, painful even, to walk on.

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After about an hour of walking, we find a trail down to Rantee beach. It is steep, extremely painful and hard to climb down from, and we all get separated from each other because of our individual paces and pain tolerances. We end up at the beach, around 2 hours after we’ve left Tonsai pier, our feet red, black and ultra-sensitive from the trails and burning concrete we’ve walked on. Tori’s never seen this beach before, but she promises it’s way more beautiful than the one she intended to take us to. It’s a fairly small beach, not even a kilometer long, and only a few people are around. The sand is white and the water green going on blue, and very clear. We immediatly drop everything and jump in the ocean.

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We stay here for an hour, maybe more, before we are bored of lying in the sun, turning red. 200 bahts later, we are on a longtail taxiboat back to Tonsai. I am so happy to see our shower, which only has cold water, but that’s alright with me. We have a great dinner at Papaya, where the waiter is so sweet, my heart melts when I think of him. I also have my first Pad Thai!

After dinner, we go back to get ready, supposed to meet Tori at 9 at Reggae Bar. She doesn’t show, but her friends, Brooks and Pak do, so we hang out with them, a guy from Switzerland, and two from London.
After a quick drink at Banana Bar, we head to the beach, and I meet Spencer, a guy I worked with last year at The Pink Palace! What a small world.

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I am at one bucket, two Jägerbombs, and one beer before I switch to water, because I feel more sick than drunk. Thai Jägermeister is basically amphetamine, I hear.

I have a great time just talking to people and dancing, even though I’m not my usual sloppy self. I walk around for a bit with Pak, and we end up walking the streets, where we meet up with Lotion, the guy in the picture above. He’s always hanging around by Reggae Bar, and now he’s sitting by the ATM next to the bar with a group of friends. We join them and start harassing people walking by, yelling things like “BLACK TAR HEROIN! CHEAP PRICES! COME GET YOUR BLACK TAR HEROIN RIGHT HERE!”

We then sit down at a tattoo shop and have a breezer with the Thai guys working there, but they start getting a bit creepy, so we leave. Like, they think I am the owners girlfriend and he’s showing guys that talk to me his gun kind of creepy.

At around 5 in the morning, I want to go home with a burger instead of a guy, so I buy one at one of the stands by the beach and I eat it on the bed while talking to Sara, who’s been asleep for a few hours. It’s the best burger of my life. Maybe because it’s 5 in the morning, but it really is amazing.

Koh Phi Phi

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It’s a cloudy day when we take the ferry to Koh Phi Phi. We are covered in sunblock and napping in the shade on the roof for two and a half hours, yet we end up with awkward tanlines and sunburns by the time we get off the boat.

As soon as we dock and pay the 20 baht tax for staying on the island, we head to Flower Bungalows, which is like the cheapest place in Phi Phi, but also a total shit hole. We just throw our stuff there and go for a cider at Dojo, where a guy named Colin comes up and serves us until he reveals that he doesn’t even work there. He’s a hilarious guy, and he ends up staying at our table for a few hours, talking about various awkward topics, and pulling passing people into the conversation.

We then go to a beauty salon called Anita’s. Here I’ll advise men, family members and other people that can’t stand reading about naked people, vaginas or waxing to stop reading. This is too much information.

We have our legs waxed in beds right by the window. Like, people can see us from the streets. A couple walks in for a foot massage, and they are sat on chairs directly across from us, where they can watch us getting our hairs ripped off. The girl smiles at me a few times. It’s all fine, although I have a sunburn on my knees, so warm wax and what happens next hurts like a mother. Then, we decide we might as well get a bikini wax, as showers are hard to come by, which makes shaving impossible, and we’re going to be in bikinis. I am the first one, and I’ve never tried it before, so I am terrified. Two women are working on me/holding me down, while Sara is talking to me on the other side of the curtain (they put me in a more private bed with a curtain around it, thank God). I am laughing the whole time, because of the pain and how awkward my life is. At least I have more fun than the guy getting the foot massage, as he is apparently cringing everytime he hears hairs getting ripped off my private parts.

OK, families and men can read again now.
We have dinner and a bucket at Reggae Bar, where a kickboxing match is taking place. We then head to Banana Bar, where Sara and Tori play beer pong before we get a big bunch of people to play flip cup. I am fucking awesome at it, and my team win 4 times in a row, before a few losses and then more wins. The group heads to the beach, where everyone on this island go after midnight, and it is super crowded and the music is terrible. We lose Tori and the crowd at some point and look for them while doing some troll dancing and going in the water. It smells really bad, by the way.

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My very first bucket(s)

Krabi

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We land in Krabi at around 9 in the morning. We take a prepaid taxi to Pak-Up Hostel, a super nice and clean place, where we crash for hours in the first bed we’ve seen in ages. We are in a female dorm with some really sweet girls. One of them, Tori from England, end up going to dinner with us at this popular seafood place, where I have crab. Because, you know, I’m in Krabi. Tori isn’t really into seafood, yet we still eat there for some reason, so afterwards we go to a restaurant/bar right next to our hostel, where I order more food, and I’m not even sorry. The place is called Good Dream, and the food, homemade guidebook, and travel agency in there is amazing. I’d recommend Pak-Up for accommodation and Good Dream for everything else!

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The next day, the three of us have breakfast and then go on a day tour that we book through Good Dream. First stop is the hot springs, which is full of tourists and since we only have half an hour there, we don’t bother getting in. Next stop is Emerald and Crystal pool. Emerald pool is also filled with people, but we still enjoy swimming around. After a good 20 minutes, we do the long walk through the “jungle” to Crystal pool.

20140402-225809.jpg2217-220140402-225823.jpgNow, this one is soooo much prettier, but the sand in the pool is dangerous or something, so swimming is not allowed. Boo.

After a nice thai lunch, we go to the Tiger Cave Temple, which is on top of a mountain.

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This is the best pineapple I’ve ever had. Asian pineapples are much sweeter, and doesn’t sting your mouth the way other pineapples do.

2225-22228-22230-2 Before we knew what we were getting ourselves into

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Steps on steps on steps

About 1300 steps doesn’t sound like a big deal, but oh it is. It takes us about an hour of dry heaving, sweating excessively, crying and catching our breath before we reach the top. Three Swedish girls are standing at the top, getting a picture taken, wearing perfectly white shorts, nice loose curls and DRY FACES. It’s pretty upsetting.

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With red faces and soaking wet bodies, we go all the way down the steep steps and treat ourselves to an ice cream. We meet a cool monk, who tells us he can climb the stairs in 20 minutes, and that the record is 8 minutes. Fuck.

At night, we have a nice dinner and cocktails, and feel surprisingly tipsy, which means we continue to the hostel bar with live music. I also have my first Tiger beer and it is pretty awesome.

The next day, we head to Ao Nang to do some shopping. We only lasted two three days in Thailand! Sara needs some shorts, Tori a pair of sunglasses, and I needle and thread for the pants I wore for the camelsafari – I ripped them getting off my camel. We spend way too many bahts, I buy like two Jack Daniels tops, because I’m a basic bawler. We take the bus home and go for some awesome thai dinner:

20140403-224908.jpgI have Tom Kar with shrimps, which is a coconut soup. Delish.

After that we are exhausted. But for three days we’ve been on a mission to get a photo of the big statue of a crab, ’cause this is friggin’ Krabi. It’s a no-brainer. Unfortunately, the place is always swarming with locals and tourists, so we’ve walked back to the hostel everytime we’ve passed the statue. Today, on our last day, I decide it’s happening, and Tori comes with me for some amazing, although awkward (because the local teen boys were totally staring at us) pictures. I love Krabi.

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Final thoughts: India

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20140331-200927.jpgOur final route

Originally supposed to be Delhi > Goa > Mumbai > Gujarat > Saurashtra > Pushkar > Jaipur > Delhi > Agra > Varanasi > Calcutta

Ended up going to Delhi > Vagator > Arambol > Hampi > Mumbai > Udaipur > Jaisalmer > Jaipur > Amritsar > Rishikesh > Agra > Varanasi > Calcutta

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During my first week here, I was asked to describe India in a few words. I couldn’t.

After spending 4 weeks in various places around the country, I’ve decided that it’s a place of contrasts. On a broken and dirty road, you’ll see a group of women in colourful sarees walking. Next to a lavish temple full of flowers, colours and carvings, you’ll see a beggar without legs. I’ve been in the desert, I’ve been on the green fields. I’ve seen devastating poverty, and I’ve seen over-the-top luxury. So, incredible India is a country of contrasts.

First of all, let’s talk about the people. 80 percent of them are out to get your attention. 5 percent want to grope you, and 5 want nothing to do with you at all – they will flat out ignore you. The remaining 10 percent are the most helpful and friendly people you will probably ever meet. We’ve been so lucky to meet a few in the sea of annoying or digusting locals that have crossed our path. Women don’t seem to like us very much. I don’t know if it’s in general, because of the oppressed and rapey culture, or if they hate us because we look different, vulgar even, and are intrusive. It sucks, because we usually rely on women for help, it feels a lot safer. Many local men seem so horny, they will back their elbow into your chest, just to get some sort of human contact. It’s great, because all places are swarming with men.

We learned a few words in Hindi that we used so many times a day, it’s going to take some getting used to when we leave.

Namaste – hello, goodbye
Sukriya – thank you
Nahi – no
Ha – yes

Service here is almost non-existent, at least in restaurants. The waiter – there’s usually only one – will be gone most of the time, or visibly unhappy with either you or his job. Food is also served whenever it’s ready, so if you order multiple dishes or are in a group, you often get your food at seperate times. Funny thing is, the best service we had was at McDonald’s. They sure looked happy and attentive.

Scams are inevitable. Taxis, tuk tuks, you name it, they will try to scam you. Bargaining is a daily struggle, especially those places where all the drivers will agree on a fixed price for you, so no matter who you ask, they all know that they have to offer you the same price.

Hygiene isn’t very good. Sure, they insist you only use your right hand for “clean business”, like eating, shaking hands, handling money, and touching stuff. Still, you see men on the side of almost every road, urinating or spitting. Their spit is an orangey-red. There is also trash everywhere and NO trashcans. You’ll see plenty of cows on the side of the road eating the garbage.

I’m not a fan of the food, either. I can’t handle spicy food (interesting that I chose to go to Asia, I know), but most of the food here is a thick gravy or puree made from peas, or spinach, covered in various spices, that basically makes everything taste the same, and then they might drop some paneer into the mix. I do love naan bread and masala chai, or even a good lassi.

India is a very beautiful country, yet there’s an unpleasantness to it. The atmosphere is busy, and colours and religion is thrown in your face, and you have to take it all in – but don’t stand there too long, or you will be swarmed.

I will definitely go back to Vagator for the lazy afternoons with a beer in hand, Mumbai for the colourful movies, Jaipur for the Pink City and all it had to offer, and I wish I could see the Taj Mahal everyday. I will definitely be back, but until then,

Namaste, India

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