Asia

April 16, 2014

“Another!”

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Haad Rin is crazy. In between buckets, we do multiple 7-11 runs for amazing toasties (yes, really) and accidentally stealing Chang beers. Yes, Kirstin and Sara walked out of 7-11 without paying for their beers, and it didn’t occur to them that they had just stolen beer. We randomly burst into song, mostly Beyoncé – Drunk In Love, all the time. Like, if we’re having dinner on the beach and one of the bars play the song (which they often do), we’ll knock over our chairs and dance like crazy people. Whereever you are in Haad Rin, you’ll be able to hear “WE BE ALL NIGHT! LOOOVE” constantly. We do this so much, we one night decide to get rings for our middle fingers as a reminder.

“Drunk in Love ♥”

For some reason, we end up hanging out with some douche from Canada. A real know-it-all, who doesn’t want to leave Kirstin alone, so we keep trying to escape him. He even follows us to Cactus bar to do laughing gas.

Laughing gas is fun! We stand in a circle, inhaling and breathing into a balloon until we’re too dizzy to stand, and we can’t feel our tongues. We laugh for a minute and then scream “Another!” and immeditaly head back to the annoyed bartender. About 4 balloons each later, we decide we’ve finally had enough – or don’t have enough money.

At one point, we go to the beach and have our tarot cards done. The man basically tells Kirstin and I the same thing: if we drink hot water and eat a potato every morning, we’ll live till we’re 80. We’ll meet a gentleman. We should stop smoking and drinking. Our parents have problems. Oh well.

We get some corn on the cob on the way home, while the douche follows us to our hostel. At least he’s handing out Oreos. He’s still talking shit about how he can’t join the Army for some lame reason and it’s killing him, and I look at him and think oh really? He doesn’t seem like the type that wants to move his ass at all. So I start fake-crying and telling my fake war story, because he is annoying me and he shouldn’t say those things to sound more noble than he is, when he’s full of bullcrap. Fighting a war is not a joke. So I take a piss at him, which I guess makes me the bad guy, but I just want him to shut up and think before he speaks.

As I go to the bathroom to pee and finish fake-crying, Kirstin jumps into the booth and suddenly smashes the corn into the wall, so there’s corn everwhere. Ratchet ass ho.

The day after, we decide to rent scooters and explore, for once. James and Aylin on one scooter, Sara and John on another, and lastly, Kirstin and I on the very last one. We are always soo behind everyone, that we think we have to go solo for the rest of the day. We scream out “DRUNK IN LOVE” and “WIIIEEENEEERRRR” (like Rachel does in F.R.I.E.N.D.S.) while we are driving around, admiring the beaches and palmtrees around us.

This is us at 1:20

We go to a beach, the hostel we want to book for the next day, and Thonsala. Then we go to Amsterdam Bar, where we watch the sunset in the pool.

On the way back, James’ and Aylin’s scooter gets a flat tire, so the rest of us go off road to find some help. And then we crash. Kirstin loses control of the scooter, so we fall off the side of the scooter, and land on the dirt. It doesn’t hurt, until we clean our wounds and start driving to get iodine. Then it starts to sting like a mother! This is what my leg looks like now:

We decide to head back home by ourselves, in the dark. It takes us hours. By the time we get home, I realize that I have lost my key, steal a room mate’s, and run out to get a new ribbon and a sharpie to write my bedname on it; as if it was mine. Then Sara shows up holding my key, that was hanging around my neck until I fell off the scooter. Thank God! We eat loads of food, Kirstin and I angrily pay 3500 baht for the scooter, that apparently needs a lot of repairing (there’s some mud and a few scratches on it), and then we all pass out.

April 15, 2014

Pissed in Phangan

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It’s raining when we get off the ferry. How convenient, since there’s a big water fight today. It’s Songkran, or the Thai New Year, and it is celebrated by getting everyone soaked. Luckily, we booked the last seats on an overpriced ferry just to be there so early, that no one will be up waiting with a watergun until we’re safe indoors.

At 9.30 we’re in our hostel, Om Ganesh. To our surprise, everyone from Patong Backpacker Hostel is there! Dom, Alex, James, Binula, the sisters, so on. We all put on our swimsuits and coverups, and around noon, it starts.

This is better than Holi. In fact, it’s the most fun I’ve had in ages. The streets are filled with people, pretty much stopping traffic. The little kids dump buckets of ice water on you. Backpackers gather in big hordes with colorful squirt guns and aggressively attack anyone who passes by. People on the back of the open taxis have no choice but to take what’s coming at them, while the car is slowly driving through the streets. We try not to attack people with backpacks or cameras, though. Everyone else is going to get soaked.

We have a quick lunch while it starts to rain again. I have mango sticky rice, Sara her sweet and sour chicken, which is the only thing she eats these days, and James is just tagging along. We pick up where we left off, and this time, we are drinking buckets.

With Dom, Binula and James

As the sun sets, we dry off and start the party. There is a Jungle Party, but we decide the entrance fee is too expensive, so we end up dancing on the beach for what seems like ages. As everyone else goes to bed, James, Bobby from the hostel and I head to a pool party, that is completely empty, but James throw me in the pool – with clothes on! – and we just hang in there for a while. Tired, we go back to eat before crashing. We are home at what feels like 5, but is actually 1 or 2. Oops.

The next day is the day of the Full Moon Party. Sara and I spend most of the day waiting for food. We order at two restaurants, but the waiter at the first one forgets to give Sara’s order to the kitchen, and doesn’t bother to tell me that he has cancelled mine, because they’re out of pasta. We go to place number two, which has the slowest cooks ever. For dinner, a group of us just end up buying street food. We finally sit outside the hostel with our free bucket (I accidentally drop mine and get a guy’s coupon for a bucket, aw) and free paint. Sara and I are the very first to grab a brush and get to it. We come up with some good designs, the dots I used to do at The Palace, flowers, and handprints on my bum. Hours later, everyone has almost the same design. As I always do what I call the Mandatory butt picture, I ask Sara if she minds doing painted handprints on my butt. Not wanting to get paint on the palms of her hands, she asks to me talk to the girl next to her instead. Her name is Kirstin, and she’s travelling with her friend John, aka. The Virgin. I haven’t really spoken to her at this point, but I casually ask her if she wants to help me out with that. She says yes very enthusiastically, and I immediately know that this is true love.

Bobby painting SaraKirstin painting James
IDK, some guy with a massive bucket

John aka. The Virgin, Kirstin, Binula, James, Sara and me
With Aylin

It’s a hot night, and the paint is coming off quickly, as we’re sweating a lot. Around 9 or 10 we do a few touch-ups and then head to the beach. That means Kirstin has to touch my butt multiple times.

At the very end of the beach, you find Mushroom Bar. Here, our new Canadian friends Kirstin and John share a shroom shake with me. Nothing happens, do a few hours later we share another one. Again, nothing happens. I don’t drink all night, but suddenly I feel drunk. I guess the shrooms are kicking in. Eventually, I lose everyone and I am on the beach by myself, partying. I get home at around 2.30, but I don’t remember much after that.

Number 20 on my list of 22 things to do: Do a drug – check!

Today, I’ve walked around in just the top from last night. I haven’t bothered to brush my teeth or put on underwear. My laziness has resulted in a party with Alex in reception, while everyone else is on the beach. We just listen to Disney songs, The Pokémon adn Thomas Train theme and Ylvis while going crazy, singing and dancing in the door to the hostel, frigtening other people.

We’re supposed to leave tomorrow. I have a feeling we wont after all.

April 14, 2014

Soaked and stoked in Samui

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Our bus to the ferry picks us up at 8. We drive for ages, before we get to the pier. It’s like 4 PM when we get on the boat, and it’s completly full. It’s an unpleasant day journey to say the least, but at 7-ish at night we arrive at our hostel, Buddha Lounge, in Koh Samui. We have dinner and instantly crash in our beds.

The next day, after several naps, we head to Chaweng to do some shopping for Songkran (Thai New Year) the next day. But it’s already begun. We are soaked within minutes, and I am scared that my camera, phone and ferry ticket will be destroyed, so I hold on to my bag for dear life. We see no other option than to buy a watergun now instead of later. We get two big ones for a total of 600 baht, and we particiapte in the fight for a while.

We go back to the hotel and chilled out for the evening. Our American roommate tells us about Peru and the amazing experience he had with Ayahuasca. We’re completely into his story for hours.

The next day, we are picked up at 6.30 in the morning to go to the pier, so we had needed the rest. This is only a short journey though, so three hours later, we’re at our hostel in Koh Phangan.

April 11, 2014

Ping, pong, Patong

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“You go to the cinema every day“, the receptionist jokes as we head out for another movie. It’s our second day in a row. We haven’t done any sightseeing or real exploring for some time; it’s exhausting and just temple after temple after beach after fort. Our days are empty and boring, so we go to see Noah in 3D starring Russell Crowe. What a piece of shit that is.

Before the movie, we go to an australian restaurant and get day drunk. I have a burger. I’m insanely full. But then, we walk by all those little shops that have smoothies and milkshakes, and they have the oreoshake that I’ve been craving for a while. In my belly it goes, and I think my belly’s gonna pop. Then we’re at the cinema: popcorn time! I have no self restraint.

The cinema is located in a busy shopping mall, and everywhere you look, a white, fat and old man will be holding hands with a young thai girl – or boy. Most of them seem to go to the cinema for a day date. One especially fat guy, basically an apple on legs, sits next to Sara with a really young local boy. I don’t know whether to find it funny or sad.

After the shitty movie, we head back to complain to everyone in the common room about it. Sara is feeling sick, and goes bed early, while the crowd on the floor thins out. Suddenly, we are three people left, and we agree to see a ping pong show – without animals this time. We meet my roommate Jennifer and her friend Nadia on the way, and they join us. We have a few buckets around different bars before going to a decent stripclub. The ping pong show has the lady pulling out razors, whistling with a flute, throwing darts at balloons that I’m holding, and smoking cigarettes. After that, the strippers pull me on stage, and the guys join me. We just do a bad dance and laugh our asses off, before I head to bed; it’s an early day the next day.

With James and Mama

I got one that says “shittest cunt”

With Jennifer, our roommate, and James

April 9, 2014

Patong

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It’s a cloudy, yet hot day in Phi Phi. We have just hugged Tori goodbye, and we’re standing on the pier with our heavy backpacks on, confused. There seems to be no system, no way to tell which ferry is taking us to Patong. Suddenly, in the midst of our frustration, a super attractive guy approaches us. He is confused too. He has an accent I think is Australian, but it turns out that he’s English. I was never good at differentiating those.

We talk for some time about where we are staying in Patong (of course he’s not staying at our hostel), what our plans are (pretty much the same), and then Sara and I see the ferry, and we go to board it, while he finds his friends. Before we leave, he says “see you later!”

But we never see him again.

I’m bummed. Patong is full of people, but I haven’t seen anyone I would look at twice. And I know he’s here somewhere. But where?

On the ferry, we get an entire row of seats to ourselves. We hop under my blanket, as the AC is making us cold. A cute little boy, no more than two years old, is in the row next to us with his parents. He keeps walking over to me, smiling, touching my hair. I am trying to read my book, The Night Circus, but I’m too tired, and I fall asleep. That’s when the little boy decides to throw a tantrum for the rest of the trip. He even walks over to me and screams directly into my ear. Suddenly he’s not so cute anymore.

After getting off the ferry, we share a car with some people to Patong Beach. Some of them could have been the cast of Geordie Shore, with their barely there clothing, fake nails and lashes, and big suitcases. I guess backpacking isn’t for everyone. They put on a cheesy 00’s R’n’B/pop playlist and start singing along, while the rest of us are suffering in silence. They haven’t booked anything in advance, so they have our driver take them around some hotels, so they can ask for room prices (seriously? If you’re that cheap, stay at a hostel instead). It takes ages to actually get to the part of Patong everyone else is going to.

After a walk on Bangla Road, through an alley filled with thai women offering massages and eating lemongrass, we find the entrance to Patong Backpacker Hostel. The owner, Mama, is crazy and adorable, and everyone loves her right away. She shows us to a room that we share with Jennifer from Germany, who is always either out or in bed reading.

After a fancy dinner with steak (first cow in a month!) and piña coladas served in coconuts, Sara feels a bit ill and needs to lie down.

I want to go out, but accept that my she isn’t feeling well. I then decide to Skype Aga while Sara goes to sleep. A few hours later she changes her mind, and we have a massive argument about things that we’ve kept to ourselves for a while. Finally, we just hug it out and go out with the other people from the hostel. People I haven’t even spoken to yet!

We’re a big group, starting at a bar with a tiny stage and two stripper poles. The girls, me included, sit on the edge of the stage, completely into our mojito buckets and rapping along to Macklemore, while the guys are on the poles.It’s a different world in Patong.

At some point, we end up at a ping pong show. I’ve always imagined a woman on stage, completely naked and lying down, just popping out ping pong balls. Instead we sit, with a beer in hand, and witness an old woman in a camisole pulling out nails and razors, and popping out fish, turtles and budgies. She even puts the budgy back up, only to pop it out again. At this point, my mouth drops open, and my eyes meet two other guys with the same expression. We leave immediatly.

Sara and I take Mark, who got the pleasure of being stripped down and tittie-rubbed by the topless dancers entertaining between the ping pong lady’s bits, to Tiger Bar. It’s a piece of art in itself, but a water is 140 baht, and there are no cute guys in there. We sit at a table with a girl dancing on a pole, and suddenly she reaches for my hand. After a couple of times saying “no”, I take off my shoes and join her for a few minutes. I love this girl so much, I give her all my 20s in tips, and she gives me a kiss on the cheek. She has me all figured out.

We do a bit of club hopping, before we end up at a McDonald’s. Full and exhausted, we crawl to bed at 4.

I wake up the next day feeling alright, although a bit smelly. Everyone is going out for breakfast, and we end at McDonald’s when two girls from California decide they want something else – and so does Sara. The group splits up, and we walk in the blazing heat for a while, and end up at a restaurant at the beach. I am starving at this point, and order two different things, but by the time it arrives, my hangover hits me. A bad headache and severe nausea, and I run to the bathroom across the street, pay 5 baht to use it, and then nothing. I can’t throw up. I am irritated, tired, and I have no appetite, but the girls force me to eat my sandwich before I pass out in my bed.

We both wake up at around 2 o’clock. Our plan to go to Phuket for the day isn’t happening, so we decide to look for a cinema. A 5 minute walk later, we’re in this huge shopping mall, and we have 20 minutes to find the cinema before the movie starts. We finally find it, buy two tickets to Divergent, and get our bag of popcorn. The cinema is beautiful here, and the seats very comfortable. The only thing that’s different from what I’m used to is that we have to stand up for the King’s Anthem.

After the movie, we have a pedicure and manicure and a nice dinner, before we hang out with a beer and some people in the common room at the hostel. We go to Bangla Road by ourselves and have a drink, but we’re just not feeling it, so we go home and fall asleep at around 1.

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