With 9 things left on my bucket list, it seems that I am going to finish it soon… Or am I? I am starting to worry a bit.
Since we threw all of our plans out of the window, the volunteer work we were supposed to do in Cambodia is not going to happen. Laziness and other factors make it hard for me to cross some of these goals off as well. Things like having a supernatural experience and swimming with dolphins seem impossible. What was I thinking?
The road to Pai is a narrow and curvy one, about 3 hours away from Chiang Mai. Needless to day, I get carsick. When we finally arrive in Pai, it starts raining. A lot. We meet Sophie from Chiang Mai, and a guy from our hostel picks us all up and drives us to our home for the next two days, The Purple Monkey.
While it has good food (poutine!) and nice people, it’ss extremely basic. The bathrooms are tiny rooms without roofs. There’s a squatting toilet and a cold shower in each stall. With this weather, I don’t shower or poop for two days, which is awful – and gross. Why am I sharing this with you guys?
On our first night, we join the hostel pubcrawl. It’s one of the smallest and least fun pubcrawls I’ve been on. First off, I’m drinking… At least not in the beginning. So I guess it’s mostly my own fault.
We are handed these sheets of paper with challenges to do at each bar, and I want my team, Team Peach (Sara, Kaleigh, a French girl and me), to win. Here are the challenges:
As team captain, my first challenge is to shotgun a beer along with the other team captains.
I don’t win that challenge, unfortunately. I do take a group photo and post it on The Purple Monkey’s Facebook though.
A few hours later, I get more competitive, taking shots for the challenges instead of waiting for others in my group to do them, running around the streets trying to get bonus points by getting a picture with a beer sign and learn new thai words.
In the end, we win. Free breakfast, and lots of haters. I can honestly say that I didn’t expect people to be so cruel – they are loudly complaining that we don’t deserve it, since we aren’t drinking (I actually am, but the French girl didn’t bring money), or we have been sleeping with the guy that did the score. What!? Whatever guys, breakfast is 50 baht.
After our free breakfast, we rent two scooters for 24 hours. Since Sara and I have never driven scooters before, I thought we would share one while Kaleigh, who has a scooter at home, would be fine on her own. I say I’ll go first and then we can switch later. I hate it, and I take a long time getting used to the sensitive gas pedal, and suddenly I see Kaleigh drive off – with Sara on the back. I try to follow them, but I don’t want to go very fast, so I am ages behind before we end up at a gas station. I air out my frustration over being left behind like that. In response, Sara gets on the scooter, touches the gad pedal twice, and then decides she isn’t gonna ride a scooter. Ever. Well, now what? None of us feel comfortable riding the scooter, so automatically I am the one that should do it? Right.
We join a group from the hostel and go to the Pam Bok waterfall. I swim in the water, which is cold and brownish, but amazing.
We’ve parked on a bumpy road, so when I try to drive on to the road, I fall off. In front of everyone. This is only the second time in a month that has happened! .
We all start driving towards the main road. I am alone again. One of the side mirrors is broken, and I think of the 7000 baht we had to pay when the same accident happened in Koh Phangan. I am way behind the others, scared of going fast and crashing again. And I start to cry. For a good 10 minutes, I am alone on a small road bawling my eyes out about being alone and having to pay for this bike and so much more. I am furious that I have been forced to ride a bike, instead of taking turns like Sara and I had agreed to. What was the purpose of renting two scooters then? It has been a waste of my time, money and dignity. When I catch up with the rest, they are having lunch and a good time. The last thing I want to do is join them, but I do it anyways. One of the girls is nice enough to let me ride on the back of her boyfriend’s scooter, while she takes mine. She is my hero.
Next, we go to Pai canyon. We do a quick walk around, and then it starts to rain and we have to get back to town from this sandy hill, fast. I decide to jump on Kaleigh’s bike, while Sara goes with Rowan (the guy whose scooter I’ve been sitting on). We go back to the hostel and are stuck in the rain for hours. We order food while we wait, but that takes us over an hour just to get. By then we only have a bit of time driving around and seeing the White Buddha before the rain starts again and we go back to our beds.
We all get up at 6 in the morning the next day to go to the Lod cave, which is a 1,5 hour drive away. We have a bus back to Chiang Mai at 11.30, so we have to leave by 7. I am on the back of Rowan’s bike, and it’s a loopy drive up the mountain – very, very cold on top – and a loopy drive down, and Rowan is driving very fast. We finally get to the cave, but apparently, you need to buy a guide, a boat and a lantern. So we have to go back. And then Kaleigh’s scooter gets a flat tire. We call the company to pick up the bike, but we are running low on time. We have half an hour until our bus leaves. Sara and I drive back to check out of the hostel and try to arrange for a later bus, while Kaleigh waits with the bike. In the end everything works out, and we go back to Chiang Mai, just a little carsick.
I am currently in Chiang Mai. My days consist of riding a chang (elephants) and my nights consist of drinking Chang (beer). Life could be a lot worse.
First night in Chiang Mai, we stay in a mixed dorm at SpicyThai, and we sleep from we arrive till the next day, only getting up to get a 30 baht meal at a shady-looking restaurant for dinner. The day after, I am desperate to find a Post Office to send stuff (clothes) home, so we take a trip to the mall, where they were are out of packages, so then we go to the old city, where we meet Sophie and American guy (I want to call him Josh), and manage to find a Post Office and do some sightseeing, sorta.
Yep, that’s definitely sightseeing
The guys in our dorm, Johnny, Geoff and Joel join us for dinner and a trip to the Anusarn night market, followed by a cabaret show.
The show is amazing, although there isn’t enough Britney. The best ladyboy I’ve ever seen does an amazing show, dancing with the audience, and shoving her chest in my face and rubs it all over my face, till I am full of glitter. Yes, I motorboated a ladyboy. I am so proud.
On the 3rd day, we go to Baan Chang Elephant Park. Earlier this month, I found out that elephant riding is considered animal cruelty. While the elephant is strong and can carry around 200 kg, its spine is too fragile for riding – especially with a saddlechair attached to the back. We did some research to find a place that would allow riding bareback or on the neck instead, as it is a lot better for the elephant. The cheapest option seemed to be Baan Chang. They rescue elephants, which is a plus, but let people ride on their necks, which of course still is “cruel” in some peoples eyes, but at least it seems like the best way to do it. We arrive and get dressed in super trendy denim uniforms, and then get to feed the elephants sugar canes and bananas.
Then we do Mahout training. We learn the commands, which are in Thai, and then practice getting up on the elephant, and then controlling it for a quick ride. Then we pair up and start riding.
Our elephant is Ying Lee, a female elephant. She follows the other elephants, so I don’t have to control her much (I am on the neck, so I get to steer her), but she likes to stop and snack a lot. Elephants can eat 10 % of their weight, so they spend most of the day eating like 200 kg. As there is nothing to hold on to, riding her is really scary, and I feel like I am about to fall off several times. It doesn’t help that I am feeling nauseous, dizzy, have a bad headache, and that my sight is blurry. I feel miserable, and barely enjoy riding an elephant – something I know I would love any time but then.
Finally, we get to bathe them. We are sore from riding, and I have back pains and the shakes from being so nervous of falling down, so getting off Ying Lee and into the water is amazing. I absolutely love washing her nose, and it seems like she is enjoying it just as much.
That makes another thing on my 22 list crossed off!
# 3: Ride an elephant
I definitely feel worse about elephants being in zoos and these parks now that I’ve fallen completely in love with them, but even when we capture elephants to make them feel better, as in give them medical treatment, we need to put a chain around their foot. At least that’s what I told myself when I saw the elephants around me like that. It’s not optimal, but no one can help them if they run away or go crazy and attack others.
When we get home, we have to switch hostel, as we hated our hostel the first night and quickly booked something else, but ended up liking Spicy Thai anyways. At this point, I am feeling worse than ever, and behind my sunglasses, I am crying. Of course Sara takes her sweet time packing her bag, putting on shoes, and walking towards the road to get a taxi. Of course the taxi does a detour as well. Of course our new hostel is a looong walk through an alley, then after a lenghty check-in, it turns out we are in a dorm that’s at the end of another street. I am on the verge of breaking down. Of course the AC doesn’t work in the room. Of course our three room mates show up 20 seconds after we’ve thrown ourselves in bed, and of course they want to get to know us and get the AC to work. Finally, as Sara yet again talks about yatches, I do what I now do everytime she does that: put in my earphones, and then I fall asleep.
I am woken up by a hungry Sara. I feel better, but still have a horrible headache, and we go for mediocre food and a great ice cream at Blue Diamond. We go back to the room, get into an awesome conversation with our roommates about serial killers, and suddenly I pass out again.
The next day we get a room at the main building of the hostel, Kikie’s House. We go with our roommate Kaleigh, and get a nice dorm together. After that, we all decide to go to the zoo. Bad idea.
I will spare you all my animal photos. Actually, no I wont.
First, most animals are locked in cages that are too small, or they are living with other species. Giraffes, zebras and emus share a space, which is random. You can feed the animals if you pay up. Seems like the animals will be either over- or underfed, depending on how many visitors will be there that day. Most of the animals aren’t even there. The main attraction is the panda cage, which we have to pay an additional fee to get into – which no one tells you, until you reach the cage. We pay the fee anyway, and there are two pandas in there. Two. We are furious, and storm out of the zoo not too long after that.
At 4, Sara and I are picked up and driven to a market. We have an evening cooking class at Siam Rice, recommended by Kirstin, and first we get a lecture on the ingredients at the market with a Canadian couple, who is also attending the class. After the lecture, we are driven to the school.
We make 5 dishes each and get a free dessert. I make coconut chicken soup, pad thai, chicken cashew nut, curry paste and yellow curry, and then for dessert, mango sticky rice. Yum.
Making pad thai
After dinner, we get a certificate and a recipe book! It was a great experience, and I would do it again! Another thing on my list crossed off.
# 19: Take a class
Since it is Sunday, there is a special night market on the walking street, and it is amazing. We go with Kaleigh, and I buy so much amazing shit: a watch, a passport holder, backpack, T-shirt, two skirts, a keychain and lots of food. Yes, I got hungry again.
Collages are time savers and awesome. Must do this more often. Also, Kaleigh’s pulling tissues out of a butt, ha ha.
We then go for drinks at Zoe, where we meet Sophie from SpicyThai, and have a great time until we get sleepy and go home.
The day after, we go to Tiger Kingdom. They claim they don’t drug the tigers, but they are kept in cages according to size: newborn, small, medium and big. We choose a package deal with the small and big tigers, and we start with the smaller ones. Now I am disappointed, as I thought small meant, you know, small. Those “small” tigers are freaking huge! We go in and take pictures for 10 minutes, then move on the big ones. They are about 20 months old and massive! Some of them definitely don’t like having us in there, and I get hit by a tail a few times, which would make anyone a bit jumpy.
This is a “small” tiger. Luckily, Kaleigh got a picture of me being scared.
Big tiger!
I am extremely high and exhausted afterwards. We just petted big-ass tigers! Yes kids, another thing crossed off my list here in Chiang Mai. I am on a roll.
#13: Pet a wild animal
We take a nap and then go to the night market a few hours later, before the rain forces us home. I’m addicted to this night market, you guys.
The next morning, our beds start to shake violently. I am thinking that it’s just the guy on the top bunk being a dick. There is an earthquake!. Yep, I survived an earthquake! I We then have to leave for Pai, which is the worst drive ever.
Since Sara has that scratch under her eye from the night before, I am calling her Scara. You know, like Scar from The Lion King?
Except for the fact that she keeps mentioning the scratches and the fact that it all happened on her birthday, she is in fairly good spirits. I try to make her feel better by taking her to MBK, where we have some food and I buy us a VIP ticket to The Amazing Spiderman 2 (which is pretty crappy, despite having Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone in it)
Free welcome drink in the VIP lounge
I thought I was a mall person. That was until today. If I wasn’t here with Sara, I would sit down on the floor and sob until someone carries me out of this textile hell. We actually manage to get lost more than once in this friggin country of a mall, and at one point I have to ask the Information desk how I get out of there. Some things can actually be too big.
We get back to our hostel, Born Free, and spontaniously book a flight to Chiang Mai. Then we head to We ❤️ Bangkok hostel to get a few beers with Kirstin. We end up at the Patpong night market, and we see a ping pong show with ping pong balls – finally! The girl hits me in the face with one, so ratchet. Another one writes this message with a sharpie shoved up her special place:
There is no entrance fee at the ping pong show, but buying at least one drink per person is required – and they are all 200 baht. I go to pay for my drink at the bar, but I am met by an old, big and moody thai woman, who wants me to pay over 5000 baht for three drinks, a show and an extra show. I refuse, telling her I am only paying for the drink I agreed to pay for, and I hand her two 100 baht bills. She doesn’t accept them, now shouting at me to pay for Kirstin and Sara as well, a total of 600 baht. I put my money back in my purse and try to walk away, when she jumps in front of me and gets aggressive. The girls approach me to see what’s going on, and a small discussion starts. The girls each hand over 200 baht, and I do as well with a big sigh. This pushes the lady over the edge, and she starts to scream and shove me, and we hurry out. We walk back to Kirstin’s hostel, before we say goodbye and take a taxi back to Born Free.
It’s sad to say goodbye. Two weeks ago, I went up to this girl painting the palms of her hands with flourescent paint and said, “this is a strange request, but can you do a handprint on my butt?”
It was love at first indecent proposal.
Two weeks and two pubcrawls, one hilarious bikini wax in Koh Tao, and countless balloons and toasties later, it’s goodbye… for now. Ratches ass hoes drunk in love 4evah <3
It’s official: leggings are not pants. I learn that the hard way, standing outside The Grand Palace, hoping to get some pictures with my fancy DSLR without having to pay the entrance fee. Not wanting to put in a 200 baht deposit for cover-up, when I’m not going to pay the entrance fee, I have to leave, disappointed by my lack of pants and willingness to be a proper tourist. I’ll have to do a rain check on the whole meeting the King and planning our joint birthday party.
Dizzy from a few ballons and rough dancing on Khao San Road the night before, we head towards the pier through the street markets. One of the markets, the Tatien market, is the most stinking and disgusting market I’ve ever seen. Everything is fish scales and rotten stuff. Yikes.
We take a boat to Wat Arun, or Temple of Dawn, but once again, none of us want to pay entrance. I am getting increasingly upset about half-assing and rushing it, rather than enjoying it.
At least we took one of these photos at Wat Arun, and then a lady came running and wanted 40 baht from us
Our next, and unfortunately final stop, is Wat Pho, wherein you can see the Reclining Buddha.
It’s impossible taking pictures with Buddha, gosh…
…Except I got all 43 m of him squeezed in on this photo
Then we take a Skytrain from MBK to Terminal 21. It’s a massive shopping mall, where every floor is a famous big city, like Paris, Tokyo and San Fransisco. Pretty cool, actually. We have fish and chips on Henry’s insistence, and take a look at all the pretty things we can’t buy.
Kirstin really likes this handbag
At night, we do some shopping on Khao San Road, before grabbing some drinks and a hookah at a bar. Here, we meet a group of people from England, and together we go to a smaller bar with great music, so we can dance.
Hours and hours later, we end up in a nightclub with expensive drinks and horrible music. Here, we meet guy X, who like Sara is celebrating his birthday that night. As they start talking, a girl goes between them and starts making out with X. According to Sara, he asks her to shake this girl off, so she keeps talking to him, and suddenly there is punching and hair pulling on the dancefloor. Sara is gone, and I confront the girl I think is to blame, but she points at her friend, who is the real culprit. Some friend, hey? I tell her – in an angry tone obviously – that she can’t punch people, and our discussion is brief, as she throws an ice cube at my eye, and I am being pushed away from her by three other people as I try to regain my sight. Suddenly, she is standing right in front of me, her back turned to me, and I punch her. In the head, with my fist. I have never hit anyone before, and I probably don’t do it rihgt, but I hit a girl while she isn’t looking, and I run away. I am a coward. As I try to find Sara and Kirstin, I see the girl and her friends pulling at Kirstin’s hair. We separate them and get them kicked out, but soon after the security guard kicks us out too, since the girls outside keep complaining. I am livid and not in the mood for more partying, so I am in bed by 3.30. On my way home, I see the girls we have been fighting at McDonald’s, so my midnight snack plans are ruined and I just head straight to the hostel. Less than an hour later, Sara comes into the room, covered in scratches and crying. The girls have attacked her while she was on her way home. And they stole her cheesesburger. Those bastards. The next day, she has a vertical red line under her eye, and Kirstin has a black eye (she punched the girls back though, I should add).
All in all, succesful night, I guess.
